


Whatever you Want

by Woldy



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Community: kink_bingo, Established Relationship, Humour, Kink, M/M, Relationship(s), Rimming, Romance, Sexual Experimentation, Trust, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-27
Updated: 2009-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 08:43:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woldy/pseuds/Woldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Remus is much too reserved, the answer to one’s relationship problems can be found in Soho, and shepherds know fuck all about werewolves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever you Want

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2009 [](http://community.livejournal.com/rs_games/profile)[**rs_games**](http://community.livejournal.com/rs_games/) as part of Team Canon, for the Orange picture [prompt](http://community.livejournal.com/rs_games/55252.html). Many thanks to my betas, [](http://glass-icarus.livejournal.com/profile)[**glass_icarus**](http://glass-icarus.livejournal.com/) and [](http://ekaterin24.livejournal.com/profile)[**ekaterin24**](http://ekaterin24.livejournal.com/) . I'm also claiming this for my Kink_bingo prompt 'rimming/felching' &amp; 100 quills prompt 'body'.

“All right, you tosser,” said James, throwing Sirius a beer bottle, “explain that long face, or I start on the cheering charms.”

Sirius sighed and opened his beer.

He walked over to the window, avoiding James’ gaze, and leaned against the window frame to look out at the sunset, which tinted the whole sky orange. In the distance the city lights shone, tower blocks and churches silhouetted against the flaming colour of the clouds. What was that phrase Peter used? Something about red skies and happy shepherds. Fuck that, Sirius decided. What did shepherds know about anything, least of all werewolves? For all he cared, the whole city could go up in smoke.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sirius said, and took a swig of his beer. “Fuck, what is this stuff? Was it on sale or something? It tastes like piss.”

“It’s Muggle lager,” James said, “and when have you ever objected to beer? Stop evading the question, dogbreath.”

Sirius turned away from the window and slumped into an armchair. “It’s Remus,” he said, taking another gulp of the beer and making a face. “Things are... a mess.”

“I’ve never known Remus to be unreasonable, so chances are you’ve been an idiot,” James replied evenly, pulling open a packet of chips and brandishing them in Sirius’ direction.

“I’m not eating any more of those prawn things. I dunno what Muggles put in this stuff, but they tasted worse than dragon’s balls.”

“These aren’t prawn, they’re salt and vinegar.”

Talking with one’s mouth full was a time-honoured tradition, recently stifled by Lily’s obvious disapproval, so Sirius stuffed several crisps into his mouth. “It’s awkward,” he said, around the crumbs. “The sex isn’t really... working.”

James looked at him over his beer and raised an eyebrow. “Well, you’re the expert on gay, but it doesn’t seem that complicated to me. If you can manage the animagus transformation and some nifty map charms then surely a lubrication spell and some —”

“The mechanics aren’t the problem, you wanker,” Sirius said, without rancour. “It’s... Fuck, I need to be drunker to talk about this. I’m not sure Remus is gay.”

“You’ve been shagging for months,” James pointed out. “I’m guessing he’s gay.”

“That’s the thing,” answered Sirius, necking the rest of the bottle. “We ought to be shagging like kneazles. If you and Lily spent any more time in bed then neither of you would ever get to work, but Remus just isn’t that into it. I’m not fucking joking, James, I think there’s a problem.”

James froze, a discomforted expression on his face. “Have you talked to him about it?”

“Of course I’ve talked to him about it,” Sirius said dismissively, “and Remus said things were _fine_; he always says everything is fine. But it isn’t, and I’m fucked if I know what to do about it. Or not fucked, more to point. _Accio_ beer.”

A bottle flew across the room into his hand, Sirius pulled the top off and took a large gulp. “Yeah, didn’t think you’d have any answers. My plan is to get wasted.”

***************************

“Well, what did you say?” asked Lily, when James recounted these events over breakfast.

James shrugged. “Not much. I don’t know what you’re supposed to say. It’s not like I want to know what they’re doing in bed.”

“That’s not the point,” said Lily, squinting at him in the bright sunlight of the kitchen. “It’s not just sex, it’s a relationship. If your friends are having trouble then you should help. The last thing you want is for them to break up over a misunderstanding.”

“I am not giving any kind of sex advice to Sirius,” James said bluntly.

“Oh, for goodness sakes,” said Lily, pouring herself a mug of coffee and pointedly not making one for her fiancé. “You might be too much of a coward to talk to him about it, but I’m not.”

***************************

As the Sorting Hat reminded the occupants of Hogwarts every year, courage was the distinguishing quality of Gryffindors. It took nerve for Lily to raise the subject with Sirius, and considerable bravery in the face of raging embarrassment for Sirius to answer her questions, but neither of them anticipated the challenge involved in entering the shop.

“You’re sure this is the place?” Sirius asked, in an uncharacteristically nervous tone.

They both stared at the window display, which featured a great deal of studded leather, chains and a disturbingly enormous forearm and fist made out of scarlet rubber.

“Yes,” Lily said, visibly steeling herself. “If you can’t find it in Soho, then... Well, we’ll find it.”

She grabbed Sirius’ arm firmly, pushed the door open with her other hand and tugged him into the shop. It was dimly lit, but behind the counter Sirius saw a large bearded man wearing leather and chains, who gave them a doubtful look.

“Good morning,” Lily said brightly. “My friend needs your advice. He and his boyfriend are having some _trouble_. For god’s sake, Sirius, stop hiding behind that dummy and come explain to the man.”

When they left the shop several hours later, Sirius was clutching two black plastic bags, the contents of which jingled quietly as he walked. Lily didn’t carry a plastic bag, but a careful observer might have noticed her slip an item discreetly into her handbag that would later provoke James into giving a thoroughly unmanly shriek.

************************

Sirius took a deep breath.

His purchases from Soho were laid out on the kitchen table, thick leather cuffs, steel chains and a ball-gag looking incongruous amidst the crumbs and coffee stains. At some point soon Remus would get home, and they were _going_ to confront this.

Sirius didn’t know how Remus would react, but his stomach lurched at the thought that curses and slammed doors might precede Remus moving out. Still, they’d reached the point where acting was worse than waiting — or at least that was what Lily insisted, and her certainty and clarity of purpose had pulled him along.

Sirius took another deep breath, waited, and did his best not to dwell on all the things that could go wrong.

It felt like hours until there was a crack of apparition and Remus called out, “Hello. How’s your day been?”

Sirius heard the pause as Remus hung up his cloak by the door, and then the approaching footsteps.

“What are you doing sitting in —” Remus begun as he entered the kitchen, and stopped when he saw the items on the table. Blood drained from his face, like colour washing out of a picture. “What’s this?”

Lily’s suggested openings of “I wanted to talk to you about...” and “Remus, I think we’ve been having communication problems” left his head in an instant.

“We haven’t been having sex,” Sirius said.

“That’s not true,” said Remus defensively, moving in the direction of the kettle, as though tea could shield him from uncomfortable questions. “We had sex on Tuesday.”

“We haven’t been having _real_ sex,” Sirius riposted, and saw Remus’ spine stiffen. “No, that didn’t come out right. I mean, you don’t seem to let go. It’s like sex is nothing more than a cup of tea or an afternoon walk, it’s so _controlled_. Do you actually want to fuck me, or not?”

“So your solution is to harass me after a long day at work, is that it? Because as strategies go, Sirius, this doesn’t strike me as a brilliant —”

“Don’t avoid the question!” Sirius said loudly.

“Then don’t ask things that are unreasonable!” Remus snapped, whirling round. His hands were clenched tight around a mug, fingers white. “I’ve been on my feet all day, I’m tired, and I don’t want to deal with —”

“You never want to deal with it! You always say you’re tired, or busy, or give me some crap about being fine —”

“Maybe things were fine until you brought this up!” Remus shouted.

“Bollocks they were!” Sirius shouted back. “Is it me that you don’t trust, or yourself? There’s a war going on, in case you haven’t noticed, and if you can’t even be bothered to talk about this, Remus, then I don’t think we can —”

With a loud smash, the mug exploded in Remus’ hands, showering fragments across the room. For a second they glared at each other in silence, as blood dripped from Remus’ palm onto the floor.

“I’m going out,” Remus snapped, and shoved Sirius aside when he attempted to block the doorway. Sirius saw Remus grab his cloak off the hook and heard the crack, sharp as a gunshot, as he apparated away.

Sirius waited, but Remus didn’t come back. Sometime after midnight he abandoned the vigil in the kitchen and went to bed alone, where a thin shaft of moonlight shone between the gap in the curtains, slicing their bed in half. _That’s about right_, Sirius thought bitterly, before he fell asleep.

************************

When Sirius awoke it was still dark and Remus was standing over him.

“It’s me,” Remus said, sitting down on the bed. “I don’t trust myself.”

Sirius squinted at him, brain fuzzy with sleep, and then pushed himself into a sitting position. “Why not?”

Remus gave a choked laugh, like coughing up shards of glass. “You have to ask?” he said, gesturing at the moonlight. “How can I trust myself when I’m... When there’s this things inside me that wants to kill and destroy. I can’t give in to that.”

“But, you’re not a werewolf,” Sirius said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “I mean you are on the full moons, obviously, but the rest of the time you’re you.”

Remus frowned. “I’m always a werewolf. At full moon I just change shape.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” argued Sirius. “Dumbledore wouldn’t have allowed you to go to Hogwarts if you were a werewolf all the time. They wouldn’t have made you a Prefect if you were a werewolf more than once a month. Come on Remus, it’s not like you’re thinking with a slobbery canine brain the whole time.”

“That’s precisely what it is.”

“Bollocks!” Sirius announced. “Other people might let you get away with that crap, but I know what a slobbery canine brain feels like. You’ve always said you don’t have a clear memory of the transformations, but I do, and I can see the difference. This,” he prodded Remus’ arm, “isn’t a werewolf. It might be an idiot, sometimes, but a bloodthirsty monster? No.”

Remus was silent for a moment, his head bowed.

“Is this related to the sex?” Sirius asked slowly.

“You must understand why I do it,” Remus said, looking up, and the moonlight fell across his face in a silver gleam. “I have these... impulses, and I can’t follow them. What if I lose control and hurt you?”

“You won’t hurt me,” Sirius said firmly.

“You can’t be sure of that.”

“Of course I’m sure, my slobbery canine teeth could tear your limbs off,” Sirius said, trying to inject a note of humour and hearing bitter irony instead. “Even if you did hurt me, which you won’t, I’d forgive you for it. I remember you telling me that friendship means forgiving someone when they make a mistake.”

Sirius brushed his hand against Remus’ cheek, and heard his breath catch.

Remus was frowning, and the moonlight cast deep shadows over his face, making him look far older than his years. The solemn expression on Remus’ face was a far cry from the reckless, boyish exuberance of their school days. It was hard to believe that it was only two years since they left Hogwarts, but Sirius supposed that war aged everyone: it had given Moody his false eye, Benjy his limp, and Marlene was already dead.

“I’m sorry for that night,” Sirius said abruptly. “I know it’s made it harder for you to trust me. I can’t undo that, but I would if it were possible and I’m not going to make a stupid, irresponsible mistake like that again. Trust doesn’t come easy for any of us nowadays, but I don’t want to be with you if we can’t get beyond that. It might not be instantaneous or anything, but —”

Remus’ hand landed on Sirius’ own, the thumb tracing gentle patterns across his palm, and Sirius fell silent.

“It’s not as simple as that,” Remus said quietly. “I trust you, Sirius. Not... absolutely, unreservedly, no, but I do trust you. The problem is learning to trust myself.”

“Trust me to trust you, then,” Sirius said lightly, as though their future didn’t hang precariously in the balance. “I’m not too macho to admit that I love you, as long as it’s not in public.”

Remus’ lips quirked, forming the ghost of a smile.

“I mean it,” Sirius insisted. “You’re not going to hurt me by letting yourself go when we fuck. This sterile, controlled thing has been driving me crazy. I didn’t know what was wrong — if you’d changed your mind about me, or didn’t like the sex, or if there was —”

Remus leaned in suddenly, his body pressing against Sirius’ naked chest, and said in a low voice, “Never doubt that I like it.”

“Go on, then, show me,” Sirius challenged.

Remus hesitated, his tongue sliding along his lower lip, and Sirius could see him considering the options.

“That’s what all the stuff downstairs was for,” Sirius said, and saw Remus’ pupils dilate. “Whatever you want. You can tie me up if you want to. You can gag me. You can shove things inside me, open me up for you. Or if you’d rather I tied you up then that’s —”

Sirius saw the change in Remus’ expression a moment before he was flattened against the mattress, Remus’ hands gripping his wrists. Remus knelt over him, knees on either side of Sirius’ legs and his arse hovering over Sirius’ hips.

“You should be careful what you wish for,” Remus said in a low, dangerous tone.

“I’m tired of being careful,” said Sirius, and his back arched off the mattress, his cock brushing the inside of Remus’ thigh.

Remus shifted his weight, pinning Sirius’ hips beneath him and increasing the pressure around his wrists. He leaned forward, face barely inches from Sirius’ own, and asked, “_Anything_ I want?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said recklessly, heart thudding against his chest. Part of him wanted to add caveats: _within reason, anything that I don’t object to, nothing that hurts_, but the whole point was to let Remus set the rules. To show Remus that he was trusted, wholly and completely, to establish his own limits.

Remus smiled, a calculating expression with a flash of teeth, and tugged Sirius’ arms above his head. Sirius resisted just enough to make it a challenge, and Remus’ hands tightened around his wrists, almost stinging. Remus splayed Sirius’ hands against the mattress and pressed down hard, trapping him spread-eagled on the bed.

“Are you going to keep this up?” Remus asked, and already Sirius could hear the undertones of sex.

Of course he was. This would be less fun without the struggle and that hint of pain, curling like a flame at the edge of his consciousness. Besides which, Remus needed this provocation and would ruthlessly self-discipline himself without it. The only way that Remus would ever let down his barriers was if Sirius was unruly and difficult.

Remus’s teeth grazed the side of his neck, scraping over the stubble, and Sirius arched upwards again, cock hardening as it rubbed against Remus’ body.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Sirius said, breathlessly.

“Really?” Remus said, and bit Sirius’ earlobe, making it sting. He exhaled hotly over the protesting skin, and murmured “Tell me, Sirius, who’s in charge here?”

“That’s up to you to prove, isn’t it?” Sirius replied, with deliberate insolence, and tested Remus’ grip around his right wrist. He moved the arm about an inch before Remus wrestled his arm back against the bed.

Remus’ eyes narrowed. “If you keep this up, I’ll have to restrain you.”

“Dare you to,” Sirius provoked, and lust flared low in his stomach when Remus replied, “_Accio_ cuffs.”

The leather cuffs flew through the air, landing beside them, and surely Sirius shouldn’t be so turned on by the feel of the cool leather wrapping around his skin. Remus murmured something, and Sirius turned his head to watch the leather loop itself through the buckles, gleaming in the moonlight. With a final word from Remus, the cuffs tugged at Sirius’ wrists, attaching themselves to the bed-frame.

Remus sat back on his heels and gazed down at Sirius, eyes dark.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for years,” he said, with a predatory smile. “I think Filch begged every teacher at Hogwarts to tie you up.”

“So, what, you’re going to punish me?”

“You’ll have to wait and see,” said Remus, leaning down over Sirius‘ chest.

He licked at Sirius’ nipple, already peaked in the cool air, and then closed his teeth over it. Sirius jerked and Remus watched Sirius’ expression through lowered lashes as he bit again, and then flicked his tongue over the other nipple until Sirius squirmed into his touch.

Any normal person would see the offer of _anything_ as an invitation to be greedy, to demand obeisance or endless blowjobs, but Remus wasn’t like that. When other Prefects had been exploiting their position to have sex in a fancy bathroom, Remus used his authority to force first years to be nicer to each other. It was typical of Remus to take his opportunity to tease and torture Sirius, instead of seeking something for himself.

Remus trailed his tongue over the hollow of Sirius’ hipbone, agonisingly slow, but getting nearer to Sirius’ cock with every heartbeat.

These acts were familiar, but the fiercely possessive way Remus touched him was nothing, _nothing_ like what Sirius had experienced before. It reminded him of the ease of one’s body after recovering from an injury, as though Remus had found a space and freedom that wasn’t there before, and Sirius gloried in the feel of Remus’ hands and mouth.

Remus licked a hot line down Sirius' cock, and then shifted lower to nip at the thin skin of his inner thigh. Sirius lifted his head, straining to see, and Remus sucked at the sensitive pulse point where his thigh and arse joined, a greedy gesture that felt as though it would leave a mark.

Sirius saw the intent look on Remus’ face as he licked lower, and then gasped when Remus’ tongue slid slowly, deliberately, over his arsehole.

Remus glanced up, dark eyes and thick lashes, and asked, “Problem?”

“No,” said Sirius, in a voice that was more quaver than words, and Remus’ head dipped again.

They’d never done this. More than that, they had never even _spoken_ about it, because in Sirius’ mind this seemed dirty and forbidden, the sort of kink that normal people didn’t engage in. His body jerked as Remus tongued him again, soft and probing, but Remus just eased Sirius’ thighs open with his hands and did it again. There was something dangerously addictive about this, the hot trail across the pucker of his arse, and Sirius couldn’t help but open himself to Remus’ mouth.

He found it hard to think as Remus licked him, stripping away control and rational thought, but Sirius could imagine Remus convincing himself that there was something animalistic and canine about this. That was rubbish, of course, because dogs sniffed one another to exchange information, establishing relationships and hierarchy, not because of sex. The tantalisingly slow glide of Remus’ tongue was intimate and utterly human, and Sirius relaxed a little more with each wet stroke.

Sirius had never felt so vulnerable, his hands tied and legs spread open while Remus lapped at him, but he was also unquestionably safe. He watched the sway of Remus’ body, shadows and moonlight playing over his skin, and moaned when Remus’ tongue flickered a little deeper, easing inside him. Remus smiled with his eyes, those little crinkles that Sirius has always found irresistible, and Sirius found himself arching and shuddering, shocked by how good this felt.

A spike of disappointment ran through Sirius when Remus sat up, wiping his hand across his mouth, and Sirius saw him hesitate.

“Anything you want,” he reminded breathlessly, and saw the change in Remus’ expression as he made a decision.

“Suck me,” said Remus, moving up the bed to position himself over Sirius’ mouth.

He looked up at the planes and angles of Remus' body, lean muscle under silky skin, and precome already beaded on his cock. Sirius sucked it into his mouth, curling his tongue around the head, and watched Remus’ eyes flutter shut. He could see where this was leading and wanted Remus to be wet for it, so the blowjob was almost sloppy, making lewd, damp sounds as Remus rocked into his mouth. Remus’ hand landed on Sirius’ jaw, steering his movements, and Sirius abandoned himself to the direction, letting Remus fuck his mouth with an urgency that never gave way to force.

When Remus pulled out, desire was visible in the flush of his cheeks, and Sirius canted his hips upwards as Remus positioned his cock. Usually their fucking was a gradual, restrained process, but tonight Remus entered him in one long, smooth stroke and Sirius lifted his hips to meet it.

It burned, a white-hot sensation of _pleasurepain_, and Sirius’ cuffed hands clenched into fists, but Remus kept moving, hands gripping Sirius’ hipbones to angle him. It was hard to breathe, impossible to find words, and Sirius pulled at the cuffs, struggling to find rhythm with Remus’ long, ceaseless strokes. He _needed_ this, had been longing for it, would beg for it, and Sirius arched up towards Remus, gasping sounds that he couldn’t seem to shape into language.

Their magic entwined as they moved together, coruscating across Remus’ skin, desire in every exhalation and bead of sweat. Remus was wild and beautiful, the muscles of his belly coiling and uncoiling with every roll of his hips, emotions laid bare on his face. Sirius’ movements were stuttering, messy, and then in a perfect moment he caught the flow of Remus’ body, finding synchronicity as the tension between them built and built. The air almost crackled with magic, the intensity rising until Sirius ached with it, until he wanted to scream, before the wave broke and Remus came, pulling Sirius with him, and he was swallowed by a surge of light.

It might have been seconds afterwards, or minutes, or hours, when Sirius stretched his arms gingerly, shaking the blood back into his hands, and Remus sat up from his sprawl across Sirius’ chest.

“Are your hands all right?”

“A bit tingly,” Sirius admitted, and Remus unbound the cuffs from the bed-frame with a brisk spell and unbuckled them by hand, gently massaging Sirius’ fingers.

“This doesn’t mean you’ve hurt me,” Sirius said, before Remus could start worrying on that score, and Remus smiled at him.

“How did I know you were going to say that?”

“Humph,” muttered Sirius, because predictability meant being boring, even amongst friends, and wrapped his fingers around Remus’ hands.

“I’ll fasten them looser next time,” said Remus.

“None of that,” Sirius replied, and kissed him.

It seemed forever since they had kissed, tongues curling together, slow and greedy, and Sirius was breathless when he pulled back.

“No apologies and no regrets,” he ordered, curling his hand around the damp nape of Remus’ neck. “You’re only allowed to be sorry for the opportunities we’ve missed.”

“Well then, I’d better not miss any more,” Remus said, warm and solid against Sirius’ side.

Remus’ breath puffed hot against his neck, and when Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ jaw desire stirred lazily within him. Sirius turned to face Remus, and for a moment saw the sunlight reflected in his brown eyes.

The pink and orange glow of sunrise was visible in the gap between the curtains, casting a warm light into the room.

“I see an opportunity right now if you’re not too sleepy,” Sirius said, and rolled Remus onto his back to kiss him.

Remus laughed into the kiss, wrapped his arms around Sirius’ back, and didn’t let go.


End file.
